Coping with Empty Nest Syndrome

and an exciting trip to Oaxaca, Mexico

Dinner Table Doctor and I recently sent our youngest child off to college. We are official empty nesters. Many people who are aware of this fact have been checking in with us with great concern. It is common for some parents to feel a bit lost when they no longer have kids to keep tabs on every hour of every day. Although we knew this day would come, it was difficult to mentally prepare ourselves for such a drastic change in our lives. DTD has many patients who schedule a visit to discuss the emotional toll which comes with this life stage of transition, so we both knew the potential challenges that we would face and planned as well as we could.

What is Empty Nest Syndrome?

Empty nest syndrome is a term used to describe a set of feelings and emotions that parents or caregivers may experience when their children leave home to live on their own or to pursue education, work, or other life opportunities. This new stage in life may be a difficult adjustment as parents transition from having a full household to an “empty nest” and often comes with conflicting emotions.

Key points about empty nest syndrome include:

1. Emotional Impact: Parents may experience a range of emotions when their children leave home, including sadness, loneliness, grief, and a sense of loss. They might also feel proud of their children’s achievements and excited for their new opportunities. DTD and I are so happy that all of our kids are doing well, but at the same time we truly miss having them around. Dinner conversations are much less lively.
2. Identity Shift: For many parents, their role as caregivers and providers for their children has been a central part of their identity. When children leave home, parents may need to adjust to a new identity and redefine their roles and priorities. This is particularly true for me, since I was a stay-at-home mom for much of our kids’ youth. For a large portion of my married life, it seemed my entire purpose was making sure our children were happy, safe, and well-adjusted. Even though I currently work part time, it is strange not having to plan my off hours around my kids and their needs. I feel like I was demoted. DTD misses the role of hands-on dad now that there are no more recitals or sporting events to rush off to from work.
3. Relationship Changes: The dynamic between spouses or partners can also shift when children leave home. Couples have more time and freedom to focus on their relationship, and some partners may struggle with the changes. Luckily DTD and I still like each other because we have A LOT more time together. We need to start building up interesting dinner conversation topics because “How was your day?” only gets us so far with two people whose days are pretty repetitive. Talking about the news in excess can also get depressing. I’m very glad I still have our hygge game because there are times when we need help thinking of a new topic of conversation.

Empty Nest Syndrome Tips

1. Coping Strategies: Individuals experiencing empty nest syndrome can employ various coping strategies. These may include staying connected with their children through communication, engaging in new hobbies or activities, seeking social support, and focusing on self-care. DTD and I have started a list of things we’d like to do together, on our own, or with friends in the near future. Many activities were just low on our list of priorities for a long time because of all-too fleeting time with the kids. I make it a point to check Eventbrite and local websites regularly so I can keep adding experiences. Some of these new adventures include:
   • Attend some open mic events in the area
   • Attend poetry readings
   • Go on some food tours
   • Start working our way through a huge list of restaurants we want to try
   • Travel
   • Take cooking classes
   • Attend wine tastings
   • Visit smaller live music venues
   • Learn to speak Italian
2. Positive Aspects: While empty nest syndrome can bring about feelings of loss, it can also present opportunities for personal growth, renewed focus on one’s own interests, and the chance to strengthen relationships. I choose to look at this time in life in the same way I would if I successfully completed a huge portion of a project at work. There’s still more to do, but the bulk of the work is behind me and something to celebrate. Since all of our kids are in the same city, we plan to visit them often. It is always a joy to see how they are growing into wonderful and independent adults.

A Long Overdue Trip

Travel more is definitely on our to-do list as empty nesters. For over 35 years DTD has been promising to visit our friend Mario in his hometown of Oaxaca, Mexico. Mario was an exchange student when we were in high school. We became good friends and have kept in touch (mostly thanks to Mario!) all these years. The last time we saw him was when he was a graduate student in Arizona and DTD and I visited him and his wonderful wife, Martha. That was more than 25 years ago, and it was also the last big vacation we took with no kids. As empty nesters, it felt appropriate to finally make good on this promise and set out for Oaxaca. We are so glad we did! Mario and Martha were such wonderful and welcoming hosts, and we had a fantastic time eating, drinking, sightseeing, and reminiscing. It was magical! Although we missed our kids, we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and began to realize that even as empty nesters, we could have fun. It was a terrific way for DTD and me to reconnect and realize that we still enjoy each other’s company.

If you have the chance to visit Oaxaca, take it! It is a beautiful city full of rich history, colorful and frequent celebrations, great food, lots of excellent mezcal, and friendly people. There are plenty of YouTube videos about Oaxaca and lots of travel shows cover this incredible destination. If you decide to visit, our dear friend Martha runs an Airbnb in a great location to take advantage of all the city has to offer. Here is the link: Casa Martha – Oaxaca, Mexico

**Also, remember to always visit your doctor before traveling out of the country. You may need medication refills, certain vaccines or simply would benefit from general health information about the country you are lucky enough to visit.

Your Feelings are Valid

It’s important to note that not all parents experience empty nest syndrome, and the intensity of the feelings can vary widely from person to person. Additionally, some parents may find the transition to an empty nest to be smoother and more positive than others, while some might struggle more with the adjustment. If the feelings associated with empty nest syndrome become overwhelming or significantly impact your mental well-being, seeking support from friends, family, or a health professional can be beneficial. Remember that empty nest syndrome is a perfectly legitimate reason to make an appointment with your health care provider. If you’re one of DTD’s lucky patients, he will certainly be able to empathize with you!